Recovering from Chemsex: A Survivor's Story

Berlin’s underground party scene is infamous for its hedonism, but for many, the pursuit of pleasure comes with a darker side. Chemsex—the fusion of sex and powerful stimulants like methamphetamine, GHB, and mephedrone—offers a temporary escape, but often leads to addiction, self-destruction, and isolation. In this gripping episode of Playful Podcast, we sit down with Fellball, a survivor of chemsex addiction, as he shares his raw and deeply personal story.

From growing up in a conservative Catholic village where his sexuality was shamed, to losing himself in Berlin’s chemsex scene, to finally finding his way back through recovery—Fellball’s journey is one of struggle, resilience, and rediscovery. This article delves into the realities of chemsex, the blurred lines between consent and coercion, and the fight to reclaim intimacy beyond substances. Whether you’ve experienced it firsthand or are simply seeking to understand the hidden world of chemsex, this is a conversation that needs to be heard.

Breaking Free: One Man’s Journey from Chemsex Addiction to Recovery

Chemsex—the fusion of sex and powerful stimulant drugs like methamphetamine, GHB, and mephedrone—has become a widespread phenomenon in underground party scenes. While it offers the illusion of uninhibited pleasure and endless energy, the reality is often one of dependency, self-destruction, and isolation. In this deeply personal episode of Playful Podcast, we sit down with Fellball, a recovering chemsex addict, who bravely shares his journey through addiction, the painful cycles of relapse, and his fight to reclaim intimacy and self-worth beyond substances.

From Shame to Addiction: The Path to Chemsex

Fellball’s story is one of both pain and resilience:

Growing up in a strict Catholic German village, where his sexuality was suppressed and shamed.
Moving to Berlin, where he discovered chemsex parties, a scene that initially felt freeing but soon became suffocating.
The insidious cycle of addiction, from the highs of chemically-induced euphoria to the crushing lows of withdrawal and shame.
His battle through multiple rehabilitation centers, the setbacks, and the ultimate turning point that led him toward recovery.

The Reality of Chemsex: Euphoria with Devastating Costs

While chemsex can offer a temporary escape, it carries profound dangers. We dive into:

How stimulant drugs hijack the brain’s reward system, creating a dangerous dependency loop.
The harsh physical and mental health toll, including severe anxiety, paranoia, and depression.
The blurred lines between consent and coercion in chemsex environments, leaving many vulnerable.
The challenge of breaking free when sex and drugs become inextricably linked.

The Journey to Recovery: Rebuilding Life and Sexuality

Recovery from chemsex addiction is not just about quitting drugs—it’s about relearning intimacy, self-worth, and pleasure. Fellball shares:

How he is navigating relationships, attraction, and intimacy without substances.
The role of therapy, peer support, and personal reflection in his healing process.
How he continues to embrace his kink and fetish identity in a sober space.
Why he believes education, open conversations, and harm reduction strategies are crucial for preventing others from falling into the same cycle.

Recovering from Chemsex: A Survivor's Story

Seeking Help: Resources for Those Struggling

If you or someone you know is battling chemsex dependency or drug addiction, support is available:

Vista Berlin – Drug and addiction counseling in English: vistaberlin.de
Notdienst Berlin – Emergency services for individuals at risk of addiction: drogennotdienst.de

This episode of Playful Podcast is an unfiltered, deeply emotional exploration of chemsex addiction and recovery. Whether you are personally struggling, know someone who is, or simply want to understand more about the intersection of sex, drugs, and mental health, this conversation offers invaluable insights.

Follow Fellball on Instagram: @fuckart_berlin Follow Amanda on Instagram: @amanda.sandst Follow Playful Magazine for more on underground culture: @playful.mag